Thursday, July 31, 2003

hey..guys..i was having a good day..who is that anonymous chic?i think its a girl if she's after daniel..*crying* SHE CAN'T TAKE HIM AWAY. Sarah...is it the same person? how does she know us? who is she? this frustrates me......i'm trying to think who would want daniel that would know me and sarah and our blogs................ppl come to mind but i don't think they'd do something like that. neways i love daniel he is mine i will go to the death over him and his safety got that anonymous?




Wednesday, July 30, 2003

hey guys! i had a great day! went to the art zone..i feel so at home there. mr.crum is like a "father" figure. i wish i had a father figure. it really bothers me that i don't have an honerable father to walk me down the aisle when i get married.newayz i saw randi and made a tribal necklace to give ethan.randi is so cool. i wish she still lived here. we can still read each others minds.i'm getting new friends which is good but i hope they all don't get tired of me at the same time.o well. and for some reason i'm always happy now. i think God pushed me over the edge when i cut. so now i'm happy. i can't explain it. its just happiness. God gives ppl talents and i think he gave me the talent of understanding. i seem to understand my friends problems cuz i can relate them to my life somehow. sometimes i don't even know how. thats just God and His power for ya. neways i'm gonna go. bye ppls
Catholics study from the book of Morman! lol.

hey guys! well last night everything was good. i got some things worked out and well at least she doesn't hate me! neways i'm going shopping and to the art zone (the most awesome place ever!!!!!) to see randi and mr. crum and everyone else. i was going to spend the night with randi but i decided not to b/c i want to see randi....she knows i still love her! neways i kinda did want to go to camp w her but i mean its not like a whole week so it won't be MAGIC nemore. which is such a bummer.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

so i'm now a firm believer that God and boyfriends make everything better. i prayed about it and 5 minutes later daniel called! so i told him and he totally understood and made me feel better!!!
ok so i'm sitting here balling my eyes out...y u may ask?b/c someone doesn't like me. i know i know there are gong to be ppl who don't like other ppl but i really tried to be nice. her exact words were "the reason i don't like you is b/c you're going out with Daniel" he is the absolute love of my life but i could never give him up. the "old" me would break up with daniel to make her happy but the "new" me can't do that. i love him too much! IS THAT A CRIME? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE DENIED FRIENDS B/C OF DANIEL? i would never think of breaking up with him even if i lost every single one of my friends. if that happened i would still love him but i would be very depressed. i don't know what to say.she also said "the reason i broke up with him is cause of you". so its my fault i always screw things up to get what i want.that is so selfish but daniel always says that God brought us together. and well since we statred going out we did help each other to become better Christians.so i guess its true....i'm just so depressed....i want to be friends with her.i'm so so very sry that i caused her and him to break up but i do wish that if she didn't like me then she wouldn't have let someone give me her IM. i'm going to go finish my crying now.
ok so i usually i sleep until 11 but i couldn't sleep so i 'll tell u about my dreams. 1st i had a dream that i got braces.:( it was so real that when i woke up i had to look in the mirror to make sure they weren't there! i was so relieved! then i went back to sleep and had a dream that i was at church camp and we were just waking up at 7:15...i was so happy! Then all of the sudden this man walks in with a gun and points to me sara beth and jamie (friends from camp) and says u 3 stay here everyone else go.NOW. well he killed sara beth and jamie but didn't kill me.and i was sitting there while he was holding me hostage, thnking what does he want with me? and then i woke up. weird huh!

Monday, July 28, 2003

I AM SOO MAD I COULD SCREAM.daniels grounded and tonite was supposed to be the only nite i get to see him until sunday b/c i'm going with randi on wednesday. BUT the stupid preacher from roans creek who was supposed to pick us up didn't show.my preacher, martin, is on vacation. i knew i never liked mark....i ABSOLUTLY DO NOT LIKE MARK. i knew i didn't like him when he told me how dumb i was for going out w daniel...y does he care who i go out w he doesn't even know me. so now since he didn't show up, we left and went home after we dropped daniel off at his house....i only got to see daniel for 30 mins while we waited in the hot sun and most of that time we were fighting b/c he was acting really immature.but he made me this cute black leather bracelet w metal spikes and a cross that says love..he MADE IT! well that makes me feel better i guess. to know that he loves me.now i'm seriously thinking about not going with randi b/c i want to see daniel....i need to see him....i don't breathe without my daniel...*sigh* i miss him so much.i know no one wants to hear me but i need to write..i need all the anger out of me b4 i go crazy again....why didn't mark show up....y am i so serious all the time....y can't me and daniel get along..y did i have to ruin my life by cutting...y did my dad have to be so awful..why can't he just come back to GOD?its all my fault its all my fault i should have never been born.i pushed my dad to stay away from GOD by being born! i hate it!
u know u never relaize how much u love ur friends til u think they might die.........
life...boring.daniels grounded b/c he gave his lil sis what she deserves (mashed potato face).but i get to see him tonite at summer youth series (church thing). THEN on wed. i get to go to the art zone (only the most awesome place on earth.)and school shopping w randi!!!!!!!!then wed. night we're going to visit church camp and see ethan and josh and all the other guys there.omgosh church camp is awesome! GOD is there and he is the #1 priority always...if only the world were like that! newayz i can't wait to get back to camp even if it is only one night.life is so "perfect" there.....

Sunday, July 27, 2003

ok i'm not giving details but tonite something happened in church...with daniel. and i'm not so sure about it.but hey guys i need prayers to stay strong and firm in what God wants. its so easy to just give in to his beautiful eyes and he helps me to stay strong but we have the same problem.....we just can't resist. :( neways pray for us and especially me b/c i need it.

why do i feel like i have no friends? it seems like i do but i know in my heart after a couple months thay all go away.like they get tired and decide that they find new friends and when they stop beinf tired of me they come back.thats y i never talked to neone during summer.but its summer and i'm talking to almost all of my friends. it makes me wonder how the schools year will play out. the 1st half of high school was complete bull hockey to put it lightly.and i just want the rest of it to be awesome and make up for the 1st two years. well

pray for me plz
i went to church today.Praise God! saw daniel (he was hotter than fire) and helped in the 2 and 3 yr old class. victoria is so adorable! neways after i got home from grandma's (and pot roast!) i fought with katie and got in the net. BORING! Something has been tuggin on my brain cells lately...i always like to make new friends..right? But there's this girl her name is kristen and she's daniel's ex-gf and for some odd reason i'm dying to talk to her.She's really pretty and daniel brought her to this church youth thing in jan. b/c they were going out at the time (and i had a crush on daniel so i was so jealous it made my stomach hurt).Newayz we got along pretty well (we came up w the color of daniels eyes:aquamarine!) but i haven't talked to her since.Daniel mentions her everynow and then and sometimes i ask about her. then sarah becomes friends w her and it makes me wonder....if maybe...nvm.newayz i'd really like to talk to herbut only if she wants to and i don't want her to hate me for ne reason. but if ne of my kind and generous friends can hook me up (sarah) (daniel :D) i'd love it if you did.but i still can't figure out exactly y i want to talk to her so bad.......?

Saturday, July 26, 2003

i thought of somemore to write.. i'm glad sarah and lacey made up. i like to think i helped but something tells me they would've made up wether i talked to them or not. did i help y'all???? neways caleb is a great guy. i love him to death as a friend and i miss him but... i dunno. i guess he'll always be there for me. i think that about alot of ppl but they always betray me sometime. no ones perfect i have to remember this. i always give chance. in the Bible it says 'forgive not 7 times but 70 times 7 times' well thats paraphrased neways i love you guys! thnx sarah for showing me this too!
hey guys. well i just got back from gatlinberg to visit my uncle..he so cool!! neways we went to the zoo and shopping and to the river. i sat on a huge rock in the middle f the river and thought about God and daniel and how we decided to cool it on the physical stuff in our relationship to please God.he is the most awesome thing ever! well besides being baptised.

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